I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The uberlube is also flammable
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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