And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
