im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
