I'm so fucking centered right now
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
