three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
