So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
