you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
