all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
