I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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