we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
