Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
