I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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