omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
