I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
