it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My vagina is officially offended.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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