I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
