Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
either way he was missing a nipple.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
