Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Pants are for mortals
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
