Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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