to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
