We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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