yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
the day after is always just damage control
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
