i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
