I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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