I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
if only i could text you this smell
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
