Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
