its not stalking. its research.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
