also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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