Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
