Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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