was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
