um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
