He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
