An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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