i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
