Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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