i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
