Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
