is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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