I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
