Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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