So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
