WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
