Sry I called you an 8
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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