I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
