No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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