How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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