All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
