bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
