i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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