i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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